Is bragging defined by the message or how the message is delivered? When is a statement "bragging" and when is it just "sharing"?
Some people think it's bragging to tell about your recent accomplishments or your child's, no matter how it's said. If you or your partner was recently granted a raise, that is something you should never tell anyone because it's bragging, or it's "unladylike".
Unladylike!? That word creeps me out.
I don't know why people think this way, but I know that they can't always give any "whys". I know because my husband is one such person and he can't be the only one.
When I asked my manly man what he thought "bragging" meant, he gave a pretty general answer which I picked apart simply by asking, "Why?" and "Why not?" until he realized he was wrong, all of which annoyed him because he's a great lawyer and he should be better at this. It was like watching him cross-examine our 5-year old. Which he's done. (Plus, as part of our wedding vows, he's wrong a lot and after 8 years, it probably pricks his side sometimes. Too bad. He made the vows.)
He couldn't help but agree that I'm right in saying that bragging should be defined as: saying something with the intent of attracting envy. Otherwise, it's just sharing info and hoping that people will be as excited for you as you are for you.
I'm only offended by someone's telling of their great blessings if it's clear to me the intention to insinuate "I'm better than you." or "I have more than you. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!" And it's not the "Nah-nahs" themselves that offend me. Instead, I wonder, "Why do you want me to feel sad? Why do you want me to feel small? You must not care about me." And friends, for one, are supposed to care about me!
Go Ahead and Receive Great Things and Then Jump Around With Excitement and Tell All Your Friends
Real friends would know if you're not trying to make them jealous. They should know your heart, right? My real friends know that I'd never want to make them jealous because I rarely want to make anyone jealous! The Green-eye-o-meter does not tell me how happy I'm going to be that day or how much I'm worth.
Real friends would be happy for your windfalls and boons. They want to read evidence of your business' exposure in the media! They want you to get a great price for your house when it sells. They want you to lose the 30 lbs. They know that the more you grow and learn and accomplish, the more you have to share with them. They understand that when you're happy, you'll spread it around! They want to be inspired by you.
Why hold onto friends whom you can't phone and scream, "I'm going to be on Oprah!" and have them scream back, "No way! That's awesome!! Bring me back some free stuff!" ?
Being Happy For Anyone
Wouldn't it be great if you could say (and mean it), "Wow! You must be so proud. I wish you more of that!" when someone tells you about their latest great happening, even if they were "bragging"? Wouldn't it be great if you had the self-confidence to give the praise someone is seeking for so desperately, without feeling like it makes you any smaller, or without having to one-up that person?
Well, it's possible. It's possible to be that loving. You don't need to be some New Age Love Goddess, however, to be able to congratulate others whole-heartedly no matter their motivation.
If someone is boasting to you, and it's clear the motivation for jealousy, don't you see that they must not have a high level of self-esteem? If you are jealous, that tells them they have something or have done something worthy of your jealousy. They don't need you to say how incredible they are if your eyes and tone of voice says it all. In other words, they aren't looking for your friendship; they are using you to build up their self-esteem.
When I meet someone like this, I nearly always find myself able to feel bad for them instead of annoyed or slighted. How sad to be them. If they need my gushing that badly, I'll give it to them. I can't fix them no matter what I say or don't say, so I might as well give them what they're asking for. It doesn't cost me a thing and certainly doesn't make any enemies.
For those who share their triumphs, genuinely excited and hoping you'll share their excitement, why be jealous? Their accomplishments are evidence of what's possible. How do you know that you can do a back flip on skates until you see someone else do it? When you have the choice to be inspired or be jealous, choose inspiration.
Pride sucks but it needn't suck the life out of you.
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From Natasha Clark of PinkPowerSuit.com, Mom's Free Business Mentor and PowerSuit Hosting, Mom's Easy Website Builder.
