Kick your fluctuating self-esteem to the curb! Learn HOW to actually "Love Yourself" like television and magazines often persist in telling us.
"God help you if you are an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also a doom. 'Cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room. And God help you if you are a pheonix and you dare to rise up from the ash; a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy while you are just flying back." -Ani Difranco, song, 32 Flavors
I once heard Gill Deacon comment on the irony of the women's lib movement and the current state of women. She basically said that we fought for the right to be anything and do everything-- bring home the bacon, fry it, serve it to our children -- then when a woman comes along who dares to do it all, we knock her down at the ankles the first chance we get! (Gill said it much more eloquently and I'll have to get the quote.)
Do you think that's true? Are the women around you jealous? Are you one of those catty types? Want to know why you're like that? Want to be able to effortlessly slough off the efforts of other women to make you feel small?
> I don't believe that you can be truly successful in business without being either a ruthless cheat (and who wants to be known for that?), or a self-confident woman. Success can't come if we're always second-guessing ourselves. It can't come if we're afraid that we'll lose our friends once we've obtained great accomplishments.<
I'm no psychiatrist, but I feel I've reached enough measure of success in the area of self-esteem to be able to share what I've learned and help other women.
I invite you to submit your own discoveries! (If you have a great thought and you'd like me to share it, I'll include a link to your website, if applicable and if I think it's worth sharing.)
Bragging - Why you shouldn't hesitate to share your good news.
Mommy Wars - Why judging each other sucks, why we do it and how to stop.
Recommended Blogs and Websites:*
Back in Skinny Jeans - Stephanie Quilao discusses the media's influence on our self-perception. A fun place to go to read from a hip, smart, funny woman.
Media Awareness Network - Become more aware of how we are being depicted in the media. You may realize more fully how desensitized we've become to sexism and lookism and be inspired to talk with your children about these things to make them more aware.
mamaVISION - "Mama", an ex-model now in her late thirties (in other words, elderly in the modelling world) discusses girls, eating disorders, modelling, and more. It really impresses upon me how physical beauty is lifeless and shallow. If I ever feel the urge to whine about my fat patches, I have a feeling that mamaVision will nip that.
* Recommended does not necessarily mean I share all views.
Recommended Viewing:
Recommended Songs to Add to Your Playlist:
You Gotta Be by Des'ree - The ultimate feel-good empowering song. "Stand up and be counted." "Challenge what the future holds." "Don't be shamed to cry." "Go ahead release your fears."
Video by India.Arie - Fun song to bop to. About a woman who really knows what makes her "India Arie". "I'm not the average girl from your video and I ain't built like a supermodel. But, I learned to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen....And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me-- my feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see."
Relax by Connie Kaldor - Great fun song. Favourite line: "If you take a break, the world won't end. You're the youngest now that you'll ever be again. Relax, what's you're hurry? Why don't you slo-ow down?" This song puts life into perspective. Just relax!
Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Ray - I think it's clear that I like boppy songs from female singers, 'cause here's another! Chorus says it: " Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song, you go ahead, let your hair down. Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams. Just go ahead, let your hair down. You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow." Then she adds, "Maybe sometimes we feel afraid but it's alright."
Grace Kelly by Mika - Wowza! This song is fun. Fun guy, fun tune, fun lyrics: "I try to be like Grace Kelly, but all her looks were too sad. So I try a little Freddie I've gone identity mad!.... Why don't you like me, why don't you like me?" Makes fun of people who always change themselves to suit others. Makes you see how that's so silly.
Big Girl, You Are Beautiful by Mika - I think I could get brain damage from bopping my head too much to this song. "Walks into the room, feels like a big balloon. I said, 'Hey girl, you are beautiful'. "Diet coke and a pizza please." "Diet coke" I'm on my knees, screaming 'Big girl you are beautiful!'"
Empowering Quotes
"Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
"If what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid." -Robert Fulghum
"I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is to try and please everybody."
-Bill Cosby
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose.... Think left and think right, think low and think high. Oh the things you can think, if only you try." -Dr. Seuss
"Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense." -Thomas A. Bennett
"It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take risks. Yet most people don't. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever." -Phillip Adams
"I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become." -Oprah Winfrey
"The secret of greatness is simple: do better work than any other [woman] in your field, and keep on doing it." -Wilfred A. Peterson
"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved." -Helen Keller
"In my day, we didn't have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned." -Jane Haddam
"For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it." -Ivan Panin
"Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves." -Betty Freidan
"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself." -Albert Einstein
"He is great who is what he is from nature, and who never reminds us of others.... Every man is in some way my superior."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
Louisa May Alcott
